Jessie Harper Major Paper Project

Jessie Harper

Dr. Chris Foss

Disability and Literature

13 April 2021

Their Pain is Relatable

            Each story we have read in this class was vastly different in a multitude of ways. At the same time each story told the same story. Of someone who was experiencing their own take of their disability and the human condition. I say the human condition because of what the human condition, which is living life, growing, your experiences, conflicts, emotions and so much more. Which being disabled is just another way of living the human condition with experiences, conflicts, and unbelievable emotions. With every story you can see these things within them. Because of this, those stories inspired and gave me the bravery to write some of my own story.  In this project I have laid the framework for 5 original poetry pieces of my story that I hold close to my heart. I related especially to two stories we have read so far this semester.

One of those actually being Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. Being an outsider because of my gender identity, but also feeling Frankensein’s creature of being cut and pasted together to be me and no one understand me for those choices. Hating the scars, I see in the mirror because they shouldn’t have to be there in the first place but knowing without them, I would have what used to face me in the mirror that much more. This is shown in my poetry piece called The Cuttings of the Creator. In this poem I connect with how the creature is created, cut and sewn back together. The idea that if I have all of the surgeries done, I will look like the creature in particular areas. Like the creature I feel like because of this, the world might never fully look at me and not pull away.  

The other piece we read that hit me the hardest and got the words flowing through my veins to the keys was Laurie Clements Lambeth’s Symptoms. This piece talks about how it feels to have MS. She illustrates a remarkable picture for you to understand what life is like inside her skin. I have a paralyzed vocal cord, so this work of art gave me a path to telling others what it is like being inside my skin. Having a paralyzed vocal cord can mean many different things. For me at first, I couldn’t talk at all or breath very well. Now with help and stubbornness I can talk but will lose my voice easily. However, I still cannot breathe like everyone else. That is my main focus in the three poems I wrote about this. The first being, Walk in my Shoes a poem that is very much like Laurie Clements Lambeth’s Symptoms giving the reader the ability to, for a moment, feel how I do to have this. The second being, Ode to the Scar which is meant to be a satire about the scar that is left behind from the surgery that resulted in me having the paralyzed vocal cord. Then lastly Under the Flesh, a piece of how I felt when I was first dealing with all anger, frustration, and pain of it, wanting to just end it all and praying that it was not real.

My last poetry piece is my most vulnerable part about myself. Thinking about it now I feel drawn to Lennie in Of Mice and Men. This being because of how those around him think he is stupid. Growing up I was perceived as such myself. I have a learning disorder that makes it difficult to read. The poem starts out with what I felt everyone was saying every time I could not pronounce groupings of letters. For years I was treated as Lennie was when someone found out that I was “learning impaired”. The torment from not only my fellow classmates but also adults as my pieces highlights a teacher in my youth that was the start of my downward spiral. At the age of 23 I was barely at a 7th grade reading level having to rely on other people to help me be an adult, to read things to me, and help me understand what it meant. Such as Lennie did with George.

Poetry have always been a way for me to get out my most raw feelings and the stories we have encountered this semester have made many of those feelings surface. So, to have a project to be able to use that outlet to express that was both a great way to reflect as well as process what we had been reading for this class.

_______________________________________________

The Cuttings of the Creator

Like the monster made by a man

I too have a demand

To cut

the flesh and tissue from my breast

Where mirrors play on the adding stress

Of being a man not in the foreground

But being trapped behind this lady’s frown

So, I will cut

the flesh and tissue from my breast

To give that mirror a rest

But that is not all there is

To become the His

Now to add, snip, snip and sew

The part that makes to stand and go

Yet through it all there is still a mixture

That fills my veins with the whisper

To cut a little deeper

Into making this creature

A man 

_______________________________________________

Walk in my Shoes

Take your hand and make a fist.

Take your fist and place it on the lower part of your neck.

Push on your neck with your fist till it is hard to breath.

How you would work breathing that way

or talk even breathing that way.

Would suck to be like that all the time?

This is how I breath.

With a paralyzed vocal cord.

Get winded sometimes from just talking,

or even trying to walk and talk.

Think about how hard working or exercising would be.

It’s impossible.

Can this be fixed?

No.

You learn to live your life, fighting with everything.

Trying to breath and life.

All you feel like you can do sometimes is, sit, and rot. 

_______________________________________________

Ode to the Scar

My heavy scar, you inspire me to write.

I love the way you bleed, and lead to voiceless and pain,

Invading my mind through day and night,

Always dreaming about the deadly champion.

Let me compare you to a sharp play?

You are more medley, powerful and dark.

Slim breeze flaps the noxious dancers of May,

And the springtime has the exhausting disembark.

How do I love you? Let me count the ways.

I love your esoteric neck and knife.

How your personality fills my days!

My love for you is the flowerful pfeiff.

Now I must away with a wearing heart,

Remember my stark words whilst we’re apart.
_______________________________________________

Under the Flesh

Suffocation;

Humiliation;

Gasping for air;

Is anyone there?

Give me a straw;

It’s better than this small;

Airway of life;

Losing grip on this knife;

Please take it back, I’ve had enough

I’m not this tough;

I can’t handle;

I want to blow out the candle.

Drowning with not water;

Fire from this collar;

Seeing the smile;

Begging for denial;

Air is not with me;

It has forsaken me;

With each breath I wish this a fantasy….

_______________________________________________

Turning the Page

Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid

In a corner trapped by a book I could not read

Crying because the word just would not connect

Begging for some kind of clue

To this little engine that could

But I could not

I was stupid she’d say

I was stupid they’d assumed

All my life stupid

All my fears circled this word stupid

I was stupid I could not read

Do words define us

Or do we define words

Stupid Stupid Stupid

Stupid Stupid Stupid

Stupid Stupid Stupid

NO!

NO!

NO!

I ttthhiinnk I tthink I ccaan I think I can

I think I can I think I can I think I can

I think I can

I know I can

I know I will

I will

I did

Zachary Welsh’s Thoughts on Nick Walker’s Neuroqueer

With the reading by Nick Walker, readers are introduced to a new vocabulary term that they may have previously never heard of before. That being “neuroqueer.” The term itself is both a verb and an adjective, and as described by the author, “as a verb, it refers to a broad range of interrelated practices. As an adjective it describes things that are associated with those practices or that result from those practices.” In terms of the actual definition of the word, it is described as “a neuroqueer individual is an individual whose identity has in some way been shaped by their engagement in practices of neuroqueering. Or, to put it more concisely (but perhaps more confusingly): you’re neuroqueer if you neuroqueer.” Readers are also told that neuroqueer individuals are oftentimes people who like to subvert definitions or concepts. The author also provides a list to readers of qualifications that an individual defined as “neuroqueer” must meet, including “being neurodivergent and approaching one’s neurodivergence as a form of queerness,” having conscious awareness, “actively choosing to embody and express one’s neurodivergence,” “engaging in the “queering” of one’s own neurocognitive processes,” undoing ones cultural conditioning, being neurodivergent, and “working to transform social and cultural environments in order to create spaces and communities – and ultimately a society – in which engagement in any or all of the above practices is permitted, accepted, supported, and encouraged.” While I doubt the term itself is meant to do any harm, one must consider if classifying an individual as “neuroqueer” can create a larger gap between individuals in our society when we are already facing these kinds of difficulties. What do you think of the term and the way it classifies individuals? Do you think it does more harm than good? 

Major Paper/Project Write-Up

            There is this restrictive ideology that those who are disabled, whether physically and/or mentally, are incapable of obtaining an ideal future for themselves. This mentality often robs the disabled community of many opportunities for them to follow and succeed in their aspirations. However, it does not completely prevent the many different communities of those with disabilities from achieving their dreams. For this assignment, I focused on the members of the autistic community. My goal was to create digital art posters depicting people on the autism spectrum who are leading active and successful lives whose contributions have enriched society. I hope to further convey to those who view these caricatures that the neurodiverse community are capable of so much than the limiting predetermined futures of “pain, isolation, and bitterness” that the neurotypical majority predicts (Kafer 2).

All the steps leading up to the final results were integral to the authenticity and significance of getting this message across. The first part of the process required research of famous autists. I expanded the field to throughout history, countries, and occupations. Finding autistics in the past turned out to be a lot harder than anticipated. Autism did not become a term until the early 1900s, so while there were many examples of prominent figures who have done extraordinary things in their lifetimes and that were speculated to be on the spectrum, I could not choose them as a focus on any of the posters since there is no way of officially diagnosing them. Even after the 1900s, where diagnosis of autism and access of information about it became more readily available to the public, I also could not pick those who self-diagnosed themselves. Unless they were officially diagnosed by a credible medical professional, I could not consider them for this project as a viable representation of those with autism “leading an engaging and satisfying life” (Kafer 2). After much research, I decided to illustrate Temple Grandin, Satoshi Tajiri, and Greta Thunberg. Once I had decided on who my muses would be, the next step of the process was to examine various photos of them to give me a few ideas for their sketches. I would then draw a few rough sketches that depicted them, and other props related to their respective professions. When I was satisfied with the concepts, I would then create the final sketches to be used as references for the digital drawings. Each of these individuals featured on the posters come from different places around the world and have unique jobs. Temple Grandin is a “professor of animal science” from Boston, Maryland who has reformed the methods conducted at slaughterhouses to make them more humane to the treatment of cattle (UMSL). Satoshi Tajiri, from Tokyo, Japan, transformed his hobby of bug collecting into the beloved world of Pokémon that continues to evolve and bring joy to all ages. Greta Thunberg, an environmental activist from Sweden, confronted the world leaders at the United Nations about climate change and the dire need for action against it.

            The significance of the final results of this project is that it removes autism from the “medical framework” that disability is often boxed into with this idea that whatever the impairment is must be cured or a “problem” that has “to be eradicated” (Kafer 9). Instead, the posters highlight the autists’ achievements within the frameworks of politics and social involvement. These posters are my counter-argument to those who are neurotypical and think that people on the autism spectrum have nothing but these “grim imagined futures” of being “abandon[ed]” by friends and family, “drug addiction,” and “suicide” (Kafer 1-2). People with autism are more than capable of making a lasting positive impact in society as well as leading their best lives.

Works Cited

Kafer. “Imagined Futures.” pp. 1–24.

Temple Grandin, www.umsl.edu/divisions/artscience/Temple%20Grandin/tempgrandin.html.

Break Out Group 4/6/21

Group Members: Katherine Blair, Keona May, Emily Kile, Madison Simpson, Taylor Boris

E: The article was hypocritical. It argued that disabled people had rich lives beyond their disability, and then also argued about how the child August’s experience was centered around the able-bodied perspective.

KM: It is hypocritical. The section on page 268, how the “passing as non-disabled” is somehow a compliment and that ties into your identity.

T: I thought that this article was harder to digest compared to her previous topics like feminism and sexuality.

KB: It talked about eugenics and the “inevitable”, but the experience of those who were born with the disability versus the experience of those who were not.

KM: The section mentioned before is about the privilege of those who decides who is “worthy” or “how disabled you are”.

KB: Absolutely, other disabilities are a normal thing and just because you don’t see as often doesn’t make it less important.

M: I wondered if anyone had written about this article, and I was curious if there was an exploration of the using of disability, specifically the narrative resource is the stereotyping of disability.

E: I do agree that disability is a resource, but not just in economic settings but in the social and interpersonal setting. Various identities can be a resource but that’s a capitalist idea that everything has a purpose.

KM: I agree, how many identities we occupy is important to take into account too. Always have to consider multiple identities; it’s almost inevitable.

T: I liked the idea of that comment about capitalism in relation to identities. Society has a need to put a label on everything and I think that relates to what everyone else brought up.

breakout group 4/8/21

Faith, David, Lily, Karlie

Faith: what Yessie did was irresponsible but I think she handled that very well

Karlie: a lot of development that kind of flip flopped a bit. I fear what she did is gonna keep Jimmie from adopting her

David: I think the ending hinted that she did. My response is just anger. “Oh yes the death was tragic but a reasonable amount of deaths”

Kalie: “how many deaths are reasonable?” “however many we have” really?

David: complete dehumanisation . Also shocked Teddy died. 

Karlie: I knew something was going to go wrong, I was expecting it. 

Faith: It had to happen though, to trigger what Yessie did with the protest

Karlie: Worried for Yessie at first because of what the repercussions are, but then more people joined.

Faith: I liked how Access Now joined in.

Karlie: Mia started supporting herself which was really cool.

Faith: Yeah, and we found out she was abused by her mother

Karlie: Reading that upset me.

Foss: Do you think she is getting to a place where she can talk about it? Willing to confront her past? Silver-lining.

Karlie: she is developing a mature view on the world and at a young age, that’s disheartening 

David: One character Michelle had a weird ending, like no payoff?

Karlie: I liked her ending, she seemed one-dimensional at first. She became more human when she saw the wrong doings and quit

David: instead of empathy she had apathy.

Faith: I wanted her to do more about it, but I’m glad she quit and realized her job wasn’t helping people.

David: when she thought about reporting the conversation of the boss and then said “it doesn’t matter” that bothered me.

Karlie: What did you think of Jimmie adopting Yessie?

Faith: I liked how she saw her as an adult not her child, just roommates.

Karlie: Keeping the friendship alive

Faith: the way Teddy died didn’t sit well with me. Like shows disabled people can’t do things on their own after all.

Karlie: there was something wrong with the pipes too.

David: She could have checked it before leaving though.

New breakout room

Faith: the WHO defined disability and impairment as a disadvantage in the workplace and that irritates me because how are they supposed to get jobs if no one will advocate for them? They need work, too.

David: 79% of disbaled adults prefer to work but only 38% get to work. Even with the ideas of “no discrimination” in the workplace there is still a barrier for them.

Faith: it sucks that they are three times more likely to be below the poverty line

Karlie: a lot of things in that article annoyed me. Just goes to show that our society is not willing to work with disability

David: ableism is ignored and not dealt with upfront these numbers, aren’t presented often enough. The main thing that stuck out to me were the numbers. They are completely brand new to me. A severe lack of information to the public. 

Foss: A lot of these stats are viewed from the census. Especially hard for disabled people from ethnic backgrounds because they find themselves incarcerated school to prison pipeline

Zachary Welsh’s Thoughts on “The Right Way to Be Crippled & Naked” by Jonathan Mack

With his short story “The Right Way to Be Crippled and Naked,” author Jonathan Mack introduces to readers, a character that is not only struggling to accept his sexuality, but his physical disability as well. In fact, the character is struggling with the former so much, that he decides to become a Jain Monk at the Digambara as a way to attempt some type of homosexual conversion on himself. What is perhaps most interesting about Mack’s piece, is the relationship the character has between his physical disability and his homosexuality. It becomes immediately evident that our main character despises his physically disabled leg, as when describing it, he says that he “tries not to look at it” and that it remind him of a “half dried wishbone. Like it was meant to snap.” however, as I said it’s more the relationship our speaker has between his disability and his homosexuality that is perhaps the most intriguing part of the story to dive into. Our speaker mentions not only that he believes his disability to be the reasons no other men are interested in him, but he also believes that he was given this disability as a punishment from karma for being gay. The fact that this is the first thing our main character thinks about when he thinks of his sexuality and his disability is very telling about or society and the way it applies negative connotations not only towards individuals with a disability and the way it makes them feel ugly or like a vicim, but also about how a large portion of our society is unable to accept people’s different sexualities, as evident by the way our speaker feels immense pressure to change who he is simply because he feels like an outcast in our world. This is only further backed up in the closing statements of mack’s writing, where the character apologizes to his family for doing harm and being an embarrassment to them, simply because of who he is. Mack’s piece manages to not only portray to readers what it is like for someone who is struggling to accept themselves because of their differences, but also sheds light on issues in our own society that allows these individuals to feel this way.

Zachary Welsh’s Thoughts on Dickinson’s A Little Madness in the Spring and Much Madness is Divinest Sense

With her poem Much Madness is Divinest Sense, author Emily Dickinson seeks to portray to readers the parallels of being considered “mad” and having the “divinest sense.” In the poem, Dickinson seems to paint the two as two sides of the same coin. She states that being mad is seen by those who have “a discerning eye,” is the same as having “divinest sense.” In this comparison, Dickinson essentially argues that what is seen as madness in someone is more often sense within the person, but most people don’t see it like that. To further explore this theme, Dickinson includes the line “‘T is the majority / In this, as all, prevails.” This line essentially indicates that Dickinson is telling her readers that these individuals who are labeled as “mad” are actually quite the opposite, but society fails to recognize it that way because society tends to just blindly agree with the major opinion on matters such as these. By doing this, and pointing this out to readers, Dickinson’s poem arguably challenges the viewers to see the minority viewpoint in the discussion as opposed to blindly following the majority opinion as the rest of society does.

With her second poem we were assigned for the day, Little Madness in the Spring, Dickinson once again touches on the concept of madness and the connotations associated with it. Here, Dickinson uses seasons as a way of comparing to one’s mental state. She uses the unpredictability/(madness) of spring as a way of saying that this unpredictability/(madness) is okay at times, even for an individual such as the king. Dickinson builds on this by saying that the while the king himself doesn’t seem to understand this, there are in fact others that see this scene but these other individuals are seen as “clowns” in our society. In point this out, Dickinson brings this poem and its themes back to her previously mentioned poem Much Madness is Divinest Sense in the way she compares those who not only embrace madness but are able recognize madness as being outcasts or clowns in our world.

If I left anything out or if anyone interpreted Dickinson’s poems in a different way, I would love to hear your comments on what you thought of the poems for today.

breakout group 2

Brianna, Faith, Arden, Lily

Arden: I hate Jerry.

Faith: My favorite has been Ricky; he gives off an in-between perspective where he isn’t sure how they should change but knows it’s wrong what he’s witnessing 

Lily: Joanne has been my favorite; she inputs and questions things that should change. The electric wheelchairs are not applicable to everyone. 

Arden: All the employees “it is what it is” and “we’re teaching them” but they aren’t, they are teaching them to be in an institution their whole life.

Arden: I really liked Jimmie. I like how she’s trying to be friends with Yessie and takes her out to the concert. So far a good person. 

Brianna: Joanne is my favorite because she appears to be the protagonist even though there’s multiple characters. I would like to see more from Yessie.

Arden: So far Michelle isn’t great. She says anything to get recruits even if it might not be the best for them (like Cherri’s case). 

Faith: I think it’s odd that Joanne is the only employee with a disability and can relate to their situation. Do you think jimmie was given a good character role because she is a lesbian and therefore can relate to their treatment (kinda)?

Brianna: kind of like the island of misfit toys when they can all be different but understand each other from the treatment they received

Arden: Do we know what Joanne was like before her disability? If she was not disabled, would she be fighting this hard for their rights?

Brianna: And that’s kinda the sad way to see it; people don’t care about certain things until it affects them somehow. She wouldn’t have been exposed at this level (childhood).

Arden: I’m glad she doesn’t have self-loathing on her disability. She doesn’t hate herself, it’s just a part of her life now.

Faith: she’s definitely a good role model; she has a job and now a relationship with Ricky.

Arden: Ricky is thankfully not sexualizing her disability, he clearly states he loves all of her.

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